it SUCKS!! lol

i just can't help but feel its like the clock has started ticking, you know??

and its been really weird cause i have a little girl now and i keep having these flashbacks of when i was a kid!

i do feel that i havent accomplished much but i do try to be optimistic and think....."i still have time"
and i am actually doing them!

I think it's alright. I usually prepare myself for the following birthday by beginning to see myself as the year older usually months earlier. I'll be 40 on April 28 and I've been "virtually 40" for a while now :-)
I'm glad to know what I know, I'm glad to generally live better and better as I age(?), staying well etc., taking care... But I'm also really cynical, and reclusive, and...drained, generally, my faith in humanity or the human experience dwindling, what with an ever-expanding field of complex references. I don't think we're doin very well, all of us. It's gonna be tough ahead. At 40, I'm a bundle of extremes.

I just made the jump on March 22.

I think I was supposed to be rich and famous by now. Oh well, fuck it. I don't mind that much. I have been feeling forty for a while now. The weird part is that I can remember when my parents each turned forty and I don't feel as old as that. I met a woman who is 41 the other day and she said she has a granddaughter! Yes, I could have a grown-up child by now but I still feel like a kid.

...wellll, I asked my sweetie to throw me a "suprise"party and I know he's working on it, so I'm looking forward to that. 40 is a good excuse to party!!!

I know a lot of people 40 and over and most of them are indicators for me that the forties is something to look forward to and enjoy.

I don't believe that 40 means the same thing as it did to our parents' generation. I'm in much better shape, both physically and mentally, than I was when I was 20. I wouldn't go back.

Just the same..there are things that I thought I would have gotten together by now that are still outstanding. But.....life is far from over, so I continue to hope, dream and set goals.

I pass that big milestone on June 3. I'm not sure what to think about it, really. I know that passage of the 40 mark should really be a big deal, but it's hard for me to get worked up about it. This year has brought some HUGE changes in my career already, with a big promotion earlier, so I've also been too busy to really reflect on it that much. I'm not sure about the rest of the group, but I'm also grappling with the strange sense that I don't *feel* 40; I really don't feel all that different than I did when I was 25, I just have a lot more responsibility, more demands on my time, and make three times as much money. Don't know what to really think about tackling this birthday. I imagine that I'll mark this birthday much as I have any others that have come & gone.

After watching all those poor kids getting cut down before they ever really had a chance to live this week, I suppose it's just good to be alive.

one thing i have realized is that i'm getting on the stick with things in my life. i haven't felt this surge of creative energy in a very long time. its given me a whole new set of things to look forward to on the Accomplishments of Life's Resume. ")

well, ok, it doesn't suck THAT bad, lol.................
its actually turning out to be pretty cool, and i have been getting a lot done.

still can't believe i'm 40! ")